||This is my comfort in my affliction, For Your word has given me life.|| PSALM 119:50

Well, I guess its time I told you how I am really feeling.

About six months ago, Pastor Bob was telling me about this young man he had been discipleing. This lad was exposed to Witchcraft through the door Crystal Meth had opened. This is very typical and extremely common. One day, we took him up on Signal Hill and began the healing process. After he acknowledged that he wanted to walk with Jesus again, we began to reclaim all of those areas in his life which were controlled by the powers that be. One by one, we began to speak life into those areas as he recanted his previous life and clung to the life that Jesus was offering.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 10:10

During this season, i noticed that many people from our church where experiencing Anxiety Attacks. Things that I had never experienced, feelings I had never felt, physical ailments that I had never had to deal with. In everything we went to God in prayer. We continued to seek His Face. I prayed God would give me grace and compassion for what people where going through. Weeks after our friend was set free, I started noticing that my Saturday’s began to be hindered by thoughts of doubt, fear, and life threatening voices. I would sit on my couch wondering what was reality and what was fiction. Because the threats seemed so real, I began to believe them, so much so, that I would begin cuddling my daughters with tears in my eyes. Not saying a word, but knowing that those were probably the last moments of my life. After a few consecutive battles, I began to voice my concerns to my wife, which caused us both to fall to our knees in prayer.

My skill set, my training as a pastor, all of my experiences with the demons in L.A., none of it could prepare me for this fight. From this point on, I knew that in order to minister to my church I had to go through it myself. It wasn’t until I learned to fight in this battle that I was able to taste of the Victory God was offering us. This battle wasn’t my own. I had to learn that I was unqualified to fight alone. Most importantly, I had to stand with the one who was Crowned Victor over Death and the Lies of Satan.

Inasmuch then as the children have partaken of flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil,

Hebrews 2:14

This process has been difficult. During this time I learned to hide my frailty really well. I knew I could not let anyone know that I too was weak. I preached “Great Sermons”, I was “on fire”, but inside the fear was extremely violent. It wasn’t until I let the Word of God fight for me, that I was exposed to who I truly was, a mere man loved incredibly by God. It wasn’t until I let the Inerrant Word of God proclaim its exclusive validity over the lies of Satan, that His love began to cast out all fear. The Victory of Christ is more than eternal closure, it’s a Victory over every lie that is so easy to believe. 

Every day, anxiety can defeat you or the Word of God can proclaim you as more than a Conqueror. Every single day, the temptation is there to give in to the lies that you are not worth it, but at the same time God points to the place where your worth was put on display(The Cross). Over and over, the whispers of your insufficiency may get louder, but know that the Word of God is everlasting and its worth will never fade away.

The grass withers, the flower fades,
But the word of our God stands forever.”

Isaiah 40:8

As Jonah said in 2:7, “When my soul fainted within me, I remembered the Lord.” Remember all that He has done for you. The reality of your testimony is greater than the lies posed by God’s greatest enemy.

In Micah 4:10, we see God allows us to be carried off into the darkest place, in order that we would realize that apart from Him, there is no savior. Even in Babylon, He saves, redeems, and delivers us from our greatest enemies.

If you find yourself in such a season, cling to the truth of God, His Inerrant Word, Infallible, Without Blemish, that it would thoroughly equip you for every good work He has called you to participate in.

Love you,

HM